Excused Lame

Who Edits This Stuff?

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:29:00 +0000

A graf from a CNBC story about the sovereign debt problems in Europe:

Greece remains in the eye of the storm but this cyclone has an unpredictable trajectory and we should all wake up to the fact that it is not just the "European periphery" that investors will focus on. As the ERM crisis showed us in the early 1990's, and the East Asia crisis reminded us again a few years later, the path of international speculation rarely abates before every stone has been upturned.

So wake up and get reminded that the cyclone's trajectory won't stop its turning up every stone. Right?

Bob's Your Uncle

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 20:07:00 +0000

The Arts and Letters Daily header on an article by Clive Crook on the relative superiority of the American and European economic systems is "Any European intellectual can easily tell you: Europe, not America, offers the world the best model of social and economic life." Well, it might... for a European intellectual, offering every intellectual's dream: influence without responsibility.

What can we say about Europe's influence in the world today? Let's consider your Uncle Bob. Back in the day, Bob was really something. Scholar and athlete. His picture is on the university football team's Hall of Fame and he's still remembered for that last-second 75-yard touchdown run against Tech back in 1956.

Bob seemed to have the world at his feet. But that was then. Alas, Bob made some really bad decisions. Got into a couple of fights that cost him dearly. Made some terrible investments. There was a marriage that turned sour and cost him a lot of money.

Bob, in short, hasn't done anything of note for the last many years but still talks as though he was something big and thinks he knows better than you. He's around your place a lot because he hasn't anything better to do. He complains about the way you keep your house but when you ask him if he'd help with something he complains that his "bad knee" is acting up again.

Bob's getting a little soft in the head and, frankly, Bob's a bore and often irritating but you don't tell him to go to hell as you're often tempted to because, after all, you're family.

Europe that is home to the supercilious intellectual class pointing out America's faults is your Uncle Bob, once powerful but now played-out and impotent but still pretentious. We may admire Ancient Greece as the birthplace of democracy, but no one turns to the Greeks today for lessons in political science.

Ripping the Lies Away from History

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:00:00 +0000

Oliver Stone is working on a 10-part documentary entitled, "The Secret History of the United States." Mr. Stone, whose last foray into history - "JFK" - lionized the absurd theories of a megalomanical district attorney, says that Hitler was "enabled by Western bankers."

This blog now brings to you other stunning revelations seen in previews of Mr. Stone's new work:

- Andrew Jackson? Gay as a French horn.

- Kinetoscopes of the McKinley assassination show that Leon Czolgosz could not have fired both bullets. A conspiracy of Rough Riders figures strongly.

- Grace Coolidge wore a form-fitting leather outfit while tying up and whipping her husband Calvin.

- Franklin D. Roosevelt's illness was covered up by the press during the 1944 campaign (Oh, wait...)

Just Stunning

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 18:49:00 +0000

I was listening to the stream from WGUC on the computer last night while reading. A piece I'd never heard of by a composer I'd never heard of was announced: Lux Aeterna by Morten Lauridsen.

From the first few measures, I was transfixed. Scored for chorus and small orchestra, this is an extraordinary work. In five sections and based on the Catholic Requiem mass, each section refers to light and the work as a whole may be thought of as a movement from darkness to light. Now pungent, now serene, now simple, now complex, Lauridsen's writing never fails to go straight to the heart. We may be reminded in its mood of the Fauré Requiem but Lux Aeterna stands on its own, transcending the modern and the ancient to embrace the eternal longing for peace and rest.

The performance was by the Los Angeles Master Chorale conducted by Paul Salamunovich. Recommended enthusiatically.

Throw the Bums Out

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 20:21:00 +0000

The special election in Massachusetts appears to be, at the very best, uncomfortably close for the Democrats' taste. More pessimistically, the seat may well be lost to the Republican candidate.

How is that possible, some may cry. After all, this was the seat held by Ted Kennedy, who held the seat for 46 years.

But why must a Senate seat held by a member of one party for many years be retained by that party on the death or retirement of the incumbent? History is full of examples of party switches:

1968: Carl Hayden (D-AZ), who held the seat for 42 years, was succeeded by Barry Goldwater (R)

1974: George Aiken (R-VT), who held the seat for 33 years, was succeeded by Patrick Leahy (D)

1978: James Eastland (D-MS), who held the seat for 36 years, was succeeded by Thad Cochrane (R)

1983: Henry Jackson (D-WA), who held the seat for 31 years, was succeeded by Dan Evans (R)

1988: John Stennis (D-MS), who held the seat for 41 years, was succeeded by Trent Lott (R)

2004: Ernest Hollings (D-SC), who held the seat for 38 years, was succeeded by Jim DeMint (R)

2008: Pete Domenici (R-NM), who held the seat for 34 years, was succeeded by Tom Udall (D)

The affection voters have for a long-standing incumbent may be for them alone, not the party. The politics of states can change over a long tenure. Or maybe, as in Massachusetts, voters may be sufficiently ticked off at events to throw the bums out. Even so, if Martha Coakley wasn't an unattractive candidate of almost limitless ineptitude this one would be in the bag for the Democrats.

The Dead Shall Live

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:34:00 +0000

A rich vein of Coakley voters waits to be tapped.

Geriatric Delinquent

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:33:00 +0000

With Lacey no longer with us, we wanted her sister Silver to have a companion as a house dog and decided on Silver’s half-sister Belle. We figured that quiet, unassuming, unassertive Belle would be the perfect house-mate for our old lady.

We were wrong. Within days of coming into the house, Belle went completely off the rails: taking things off counters and out of containers, chasing the cat, taking over the only bed in the laundry room, sneaking through doors we opened a crack to get through, shoving her way into first place to lick off plates and pans, loudly reminding us at 8:00 PM sharp to start making her dinner and stomping her feet and tossed her head in anticipation of getting it. In short and in sum, she was displaying all the privileges regally assumed by her late half-sister. It’s as though even if Lacey was no longer with us in body, her spirit had been assumed by another. Odd. Indeed, eerie.

And Now for Something Completely Pagan

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 13:18:00 +0000

The Vengeance Trio from Act II of Götterdämmerung, with Birgit Nilsson as Brünnhilde, Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau as Gunther and Gottlob Frick as Hagen. Georg Solti conducts the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra.

Merry Christmas

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 13:09:00 +0000

From all the Hounds of Soyara:

Ch. Soyara's Silver Angel JC (Silver)
Ch. Bokhara Soyara Fjor (Fred)
Ch. Soyara's A Joy to Behold (Joy)
Ch. Soyara's Beautiful Dreamer (Diva)
Ch. Soyara's Singer of Songs (Alan)
Ch. Soyara's Faith Tis Herself (Faith)
Ch. Soyara's Magnolia Honey (Honey)
Ch. Soyara's Southern Belle (Belle)
Ch. Soyara's Sir Agravaine Ex Libris (Knight)
Ch. Soyara's Ace of Spades (Sarge)
Ch. Soyara's The Force of Destiny (Ali)
Ch. Soyara's Smoke and Mirrors (Smudge)
Ch. Soyara's Cunning Little Vixen (Tess)
Soyara's Gandalf of Dana Dan (Stanley)
Soyara's Against All Odds (Chance)
Soyara's The Flying Dutchman (Dutch)
Soyara's Ilya Murometz (Ilya)
Soyara's Celeste Aida (Aida)
Soyara's Carmen Fantasy (Carmen)

Plus Talker the Whippet and Fluffy (God, what a name!) the cat.

Proof that God is Good and Just

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:43:00 +0000

The Dallas Cowboys - the greatest sporting team that ever was, is or ever will be - lost for the second straight week, today to the Chargers 20-17. On next Saturday to New Orleans to play the 13-0 Saints.

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream Kennel

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:36:00 +0000

Despite the eccentric lot dimensions of our new home (135 feet x 1321 feet), one of the things that attracted us to it was the 30 x 36 metal building erected on a concrete pad, ideal for a new kennel building.

Since they arrived here from Ohio in late May, the dogs have been housed in crates in the garage, an arrangement neither they nor us enjoyed at all. Young, energetic dogs need time and room to run and play and even the older ones like a chance to tear around for a while. Having them crated like that not only restricted their activity but it also took us an hour or more to exercise everyone in their social groups of two and three. Do that three times a day and that’s quite a bit of time taken up.

Well, our house in Ohio sold in late August after being on the market only 12 days, a testimony to my lovely bride’s labors and her taste in getting it ready. With the money from the sale, we could now go ahead and renovate our building to house the dogs. The idea was to insulate it, put in water, electricity and air conditioning, surround the building with a 10 foot apron of concrete, add dog doors and pens inside and runs outside for the critters.

There was one small problem. After a heavy Gulf Coast rain, the building looked like it was surrounded by a moat. Here’s what it looked like after getting six inches of rain in one afternoon.

Even though the water drained away in a couple of days, considering all the venemous and verminous creatures that could be living in the swamp we couldn’t have outside runs where the dogs could be exposed to them. So the entire area around the building had to be built up by about a foot. The soil for this came from the pond at the back of the property, which the contractors dug up and moved. Sure enough, our back yard ended up looking like the Western Front.

Eventually, even though it never seemed like it would, the job was finished. The dogs were moved out last week and are now happy to be out in the sunshine and free to move around. We’re delighted too, not only that the job is done but also at getting a few hours of our day back.

Who knows? Some day, grass may even grow out back again!

Dopey Letter of the Day

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:01:00 +0000

Where else but the New York Times?

To the Editor:

Who should bear responsibility when consumers use products, such as cellphones, in unreasonably dangerous ways? Generally, the narrative of personal responsibility has precluded courts from allocating a share of responsibility to product suppliers.

But when we focus on the aggregate things look different.

Cellphone suppliers know that in the aggregate a predictable and high percentage of consumers will fail to exercise reasonable personal responsibility and drive while texting or talking. These companies know that no warning will alter this predictable behavior.

Given the completely predictable way consumers will use the product, selling cellphones is not so different from releasing a deadly toxic agent. In both cases a certain predictable number of innocent people will die.

The misuse of cellphones by drivers is too predictable and too unavoidable to shield cellphone suppliers from partial responsibility.

Carlos E. González
Newark, Dec. 7, 2009

The writer is a professor at the Rutgers University School of Law.

Well, really what did you expect from a lawyer? There's nothing too useful or too beneficial that some ambulance-chasing parasite won't try to attach itself to and suck the life out of. Mr. González is just one of their enablers.

P.S. It's my habit to omit the names of the letter writers in this sporadic series in order to spare them any further embarrassment. But Mr. González is an attorney who just had to append his professional affiliation to his missive. How can you possibly further embarrass someone like that?

Jefferson for Goodthinkers

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:47:00 +0000

Victor Davis Hanson:

The society at large, driven by the sermonizing of its elites, has come to an unstated conclusion that, unfortunately, a few Americans will have to be sacrificed from time to time, for the larger goal of establishing the fact that Americans in no way think Muslims are anymore likely than any others to commit either random or premeditated terrorist violence. I think that is the initial lesson of Fort Hood.

The tree of diversity must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of innocents.

Captain Courageous

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:03:00 +0000

Apart from journalism, there's no profession as self-congratulatory as entertainment. I can't even turn on the TV without stumbling on some awards show.

Of course, part of what our actors, directors, musicians, etc. congratulate themselves on is taking a hard, honest look at the world around them, bravely risking the displeasure of the comfortable bourgeoise.

So it's with no small amount of amusement that I read this about 2012, the new movie by Roland Emmerich where damn near everything we recognize is shown getting wiped out. Well, not everything after all:

He razed Rio de Janeiro; Rome; California; Washington, D.C.; Tibet; Las Vegas; Yellowstone National Park; and more but decided against destroying Islamic symbols. “My co-writer, Harald” Kloser, “said, ‘I’m not writing this to get a fatwa on my head,’ ” Mr. Emmerich said. “We have Jesus falling apart in all kinds of forms. The Vatican falls on people’s heads, and we can do that because we’re a free, Western society, but if there would be, like, Mecca destroyed, there would be an outrage. And so you don’t do it. At the end of the thing it’s entertainment.”

Perhaps Mr. Emmerich and Mr. Kloser are a little more courageous than the above quote suggests. It may, after all, take a special kind of bravery to show how cowardly you are.

From Rural America

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:59:00 +0000

Pembroke, Virginia. "Hey, gimme a ham and swiss on rye with mayo and ten-penny nails!"

Comment of the Day

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:12:00 +0000

From Megan McArdle's blog, on the story of the State of California withholding more money because it needs it more than its citizens do:

Frankly, I think in this, as in so many other areas, California is providing a valuable example for other polities to follow.

In an ideal world, all income would be directed ("withheld" if you must straight to the government. Then, at an appropriate time, members of the public could petition for the return of funds they feel they are entitled to, within the limits of total allowable refunds as set by law.

This way we would never again run into the awful situation of the government having to go about groveling for extra money or engage in tedious debates about the "appropriate" level of taxation. The government would simply collect all money in the economy, decide how much it needed to perform all of its many vital functions and then determine how much of the remainder to return and to whom.

The whole system would be much more efficient and result in a significantly more just & rational final distribution of income. Thank goodness we have California to spearhead the first tentative steps towards the kind of bold, new thinking on government's powers of taxation that we so desperately need in this country.

It's just part and parcel of the semi-conscious notion on the part of the bien pensants that all the money belongs to the government, which graciously allows you to keep part of it. The sort of thinking that calls tax cuts "giveaways" or that they'll "cost the government" something.

Next step: in 2010, the State of California will issue more IOUs, or figure out some other way not to give it back. Why have a messy debate on raising taxes when things can be done by administrative fiat?

Better Remakes, the Opera Version

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:55:00 +0000

A discussion at The Corner deals with movie remakes, both good and bad. What about operas that turned out much better the second time around?

Iphigenia en Tauride: Niccolo Jommelli (1771) vs. Christoph Gluck (1779)
The Flying Dutchman: Pierre-Louis Dietsch (1842) vs. Richard Wagner (1843)
Manon Lescaut: Daniel Auber (1856) vs. Giacomo Puccini (1893)
Ariadne auf Naxos: Georg Benda (1775) vs. Richard Strauss (1912)
Faust: Louis Spohr (1816) vs. Charles Gounod (1859)
The Barber of Seville: Giovanni Paisiello (1782) vs. Giacchino Rossini (1816)
Alceste: Georg Frederic Handel (1750) vs. Christoph Gluck (1767)
Falstaff: Antonio Salieri (1799) vs. Giuseppe Verdi (1893)
Romeo and Juliet: Vincenzo Bellini (1830, as I Capuleti ed i Montecchi) vs. Charles Gounod (1867)
Fidelio: Pierre Gaveaux (1798, as Leonore) vs. Ludwig van Beethoven (1805)

Dopey Letter of the Day

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:09:00 +0000

Where else but the New York Times?

To the Editor:
The hubris destroying this country comes from the private sector, not government. Constitutional safeguards protect us from the abuse of government power.
Executives exercise unchecked power not only to pay themselves confiscatory sums but also to use corporate assets to finance enormously expensive campaigns of lobbying, donations and relentless, outrageously dishonest propaganda — all for the enhancement of their personal power and wealth while impoverishing the rest of us and undermining our rights.
The central tenet of the post-cold-war Republican Party — the transfer of power from the public sector, where it is subject to constitutional protections, to a private cabal — is as profoundly anti-American as it can be.

"... But don't question my patriotism!"

What!

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:05:00 +0000

The Nobel committee has awarded the 2009 Peace prize to Our President, the Rt. Hon. Abraham Delano Fitzgerald Mahatma Obama for... what exactly? When Charles Ives won the 1947 Pulitzer Prize for Music he gave away the money, making the eminently wise statement, "Prizes are for boys and I'm grown up."

Next step: the United Nations makes Our President a god, allowing him to be addressed as "The Divine Obama."

How's That Civility Stuff Working Out, Tom?

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:53:00 +0000

The American political system was, as the saying goes, “designed by geniuses so it could be run by idiots.” But a cocktail of political and technological trends have converged in the last decade that are making it possible for the idiots of all political stripes to overwhelm and paralyze the genius of our system.

Those factors are: the wild excess of money in politics; the gerrymandering of political districts, making them permanently Republican or Democratic and erasing the political middle; a 24/7 cable news cycle that makes all politics a daily battle of tactics that overwhelm strategic thinking; and a blogosphere that at its best enriches our debates, adding new checks on the establishment, and at its worst coarsens our debates to a whole new level, giving a new power to anonymous slanderers to send lies around the world. Finally, on top of it all, we now have a permanent presidential campaign that encourages all partisanship, all the time among our leading politicians.

I would argue that together these changes add up to a difference of degree that is a difference in kind — a different kind of American political scene that makes me wonder whether we can seriously discuss serious issues any longer and make decisions on the basis of the national interest.

We can’t change this overnight, but what we can change, and must change, is people crossing the line between criticizing the president and tacitly encouraging the unthinkable and the unforgivable.

Thomas Friedman, New York Times, September 30, 2009

The Republicans' health care plan for America: Don't get sick. That's right. Don't get sick. If you have insurance, don't get sick. If you don't have insurance, don't get sick. If you are sick, don't get sick. Just don't get sick. That's what the Republicans have in mind for you, America. That's the Republicans' health care plan.

But I think that the Republicans understand that that plan isn't always going to work. It is not a foolproof plan. So the Republicans have a back-up plan in case you do get sick. If you get sick in America, this is
what the Republicans want you to do. If you get sick, America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly. That's right. The Republicans want you to die quickly if you get sick.

Hon. Alan Grayson (D.-FL), September 29, 2009

The Arch of a Career

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 23:41:00 +0000

A few milestones on our girl's career:

First show: June 25, 1998, Warren County Kennel Club of Ohio, judge Roy Holloway

First points/first major: April 18, 1999, Delaware, Ohio KC, judge Jon Thompson

Championship: May 26, 2000, Winners Bitch for 5 points, Borzoi Club of America National Specialty, judge Christine Rafton

First Best of Breed: August 20, 2000, Muncie KC, judge Virginia Hampton

First Group placement: March 3, 2001, Belle-City KC, judge Pete Dawkins

First Group 1: August 26, 2001, Owensboro's River City KC, judge Dr. Ron Spritzer

First Best in Show: November 17, 2002, Danville KC, judge Susan St. John Brown

First Specialty Best in Show: February 15, 2003, Rocky Mountain Borzoi Club, judge William Paul Shelton

Last Best in Show (her fifth): September 18, 2005, Butler County KC, judge Susan St. John Brown

Last Group 1 (her 31st): November 27, 2004, Kankakee River Valley KC, judge Luc Boileau

Last Group placement (her 127th): August 21, 2005, Anderson KC, judge Robert Forsyth

Last show (her 388th)/last Best of Breed (her 269th)/last Best in Specialty show (her fourth): May 27, 2006, Borzoi Club of America National Specialty, judge Espen Engh.

Lacey

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 22:31:00 +0000

MBIS MBISS Ch. Soyara's Chantilly Lace JC ROM-C

December 17, 1997 - September 16, 2009

The morning was silver, the noontime golden and the evening bronze. But each was polished until it shone after its own fashion.

She was our heart. She was magic.

Thoughts of a Liberal Justice

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 22:09:00 +0000

Retired Supreme Court justice David Souter has cached his apparently extensive diary with the New Hampshire Historical Society with the stipulation that it remain under wraps for 50 years. Too bad! I was looking forward to reading something like this:

July 25, 1993
Came across a book at a second-hand store entitled "The Constitution of the United States." I'd never seen it before. I flipped through it and found nothing relevant to my present job.

It would certainly explain a lot.

Senator Kennedy is Dead

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 10:35:00 +0000

Senator Edward M. Kennedy is dead.

Edward Kennedy will be remembered as a man who overcame an impoverished, hardscrabble upbringing to matriculate at Harvard, where he soon established a reputation for extraordinarily original thinking. Before his election in 1962 he had complied such a record of accomplishment that the voters of Massachusetts were impatient at the Constitutional age limit of 30 for senators.

When faced with a great personal crisis, Kennedy acted with such straightforward candor and courage as to embody that old adage, "Let justice be done, though the heavens may fall."

In his only run for the presidency, he laid out such a coherent vision of his reasons for seeking that office that it was only through the machinations of his opponent that he was deprived of it.

In his 45 years as a Senator, Kennedy's green-eyeshade approach to spending and careful appreciation of the Constititional restraint on the reach of the Federal government earned him the affectionate title of "The Taxpayer's Friend."

A faithful husband as well as the father of another upstanding legislator, Edward Kennedy was the embodiment of his Catholic faith. We will not see his kind again.

The Progressive Dictionary of Received Ideas

monsalvat@aol.com (Greg Hlatky) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 16:37:00 +0000

Abortion: Refer to as "choice." Women should always have a right to this.
Anti-Communism: Always couple this term with "hysteria."
Arms Race: Speak in superior tones about "apes on a treadmill."
Arts: Should be supported by the government.
Assassin: All corporations have at lease one of these on the payroll.
Bedroom: The governement should stay out of it.
Bush: The worst president in the history of the country. "Chimpy."
Canada: Threaten to emigrate there when a Republican is elected president. Tell people you pretend you’re Canadian when traveling abroad.
Carter: Our greatest ex-president.
Christian: Hypocrites. Always trying to establish a theocracy.
Clinton: Impeached for lying about sex.
Cold War: Unnecessary. Expensive. Reagan had nothing to do with ending it.
Communism: Has never really been tried. We were in inordinate fear of it.
Constitution: Must be a living document.
Defense: Its budget is always bloated.
Dissent: The highest form of patriotism.
Eisenhower: Lazy. Presided over the conformist 1950’s.
Europeans: Wiser than Americans. When criticizing the US, always preface it with "My European friends ask me..."
Fascism: What the country is threatened with in a Republican administration.
Ford, Gerald: Klutz. "Whip inflation now."
Fox News: "Don't you mean 'Faux Noise?' Ha! Ha!"
France: The country we ought to emulate.
Global Warming: A settled science. We only have a few years to act. Anyone who doubts it is in the pay of oil companies. Caused by suburban Republicans driving SUVs.
Health Care: A fundamental right.
Hiroshima: Unnecessary war crime. Japan was ready to surrender anyway.
Hoover: The worst president in the history of the country. Did nothing about the Depression.
Iraq: The greatest foreign policy disaster in the nation’s history.
Israel: Has too much sway in Washington. Should be boycotted.
Journalists: If it wasn’t for them, we’d be living in a dictatorship. Comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.
KKK: See "Republican." Be sure to refer to “AmeriKKKa.”
Mainstream: The editorial policy of the New York Times.
Mass Transit: Gasoline taxes should be raised to pay for it.
McCarthy: Defined the darkest era in our history. Be sure to say, "Have you no decency, sir?" when mentioning his name.
Media: Preface with "corporate-controlled."
NASCAR: Let your voice drip with contempt when pronouncing it.
National Anthem: Unsingable. Celebrates bombs and violence. Stay seated while it’s played.
New York Times: The exemplar of a great newspaper.
Nixon: The worst president in the history of the country. Proudly claim you were on his enemies list.
Oil Companies: Gouge the consumer. Earn obscene profits. Bought up all the patents for clean energy and buried them.
Palin: Quitter. Stupid. Creationist. Anti-intellectual. Unqualified.
Patriotism: Always mindless when it’s not jingoistic.
Poor: The Republicans make war on them.
Reagan: The worst president in the history of the country. "Ronald Raygun." Be sure to mention "Bedtime for Bonzo" when his name comes up.
Republican: The stupid party. The party of greed. Stole the 2000 election. Say "Rethuglican" or "Repiglican" instead.
Right Wing: Always say "reich wing." Preface with "far" or "extreme."
Roe v. Wade: Sacrosanct. Always under threat. If it’s repealed, no woman can choose.
Schools: It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the government will have to hold a bake sale to buy bombs.
Second Amendment: Should be repealed. Only applies to militias.
Soldiers: Commit atrocities when they’re not victims of their own government.
Tax Cuts: Only go to the rich. Cost the government money.
Taxes: The price we pay for civilization. The rich do no pay enough of them.
Vietnam: An unwinnable war.
War Crime: Military action by the United States or Israel.
Zionism: When accused of anti-Semitism, always say, "I’m not anti-Semitic, only anti-Zionist."